Social mobility for the Rich

Fact of the Day:

“In the UK, the poor stay poor and the rich stay rich”.

It seems to be the case that the greater levels of inequality there is in a country correlates with lower levels of upward mobility.

So choose your parents very carefully.

If your mum has not got a pot to piss in, then choose another one. Choose a Mum that is, not a pot. Preferably one like Lady Mary on Downton Abbey. She is a good choice, especially if you like repressed emotions and pent up sexuality with your cash. Why you should be looking for pent up sexuality in a mother is another issue and one that Freud would have a field day with, you dirty little b*gger. You could of course go for Kate Middleton//Saxe-Coburg Gotha-don’t mention the war-Windsor. Trouble is I think she has done with sprog sprouting for the moment and would welcome your advances to be offspring as she would a dose of syphilis.

If this strategy does not work try getting yourself adopted by some other posh bird. Try hanging around in Kensington and Chelsea looking suitably adorable and cuddley (don’t puke down your babygro and make sure you cover up the piss stains). Try burbling the baby equivalent of ‘Yah daarling’ and drink fizz out of your bottle. Do not wear a football shirt. There is nothing guaranteed to invoke disdain more quickly in the upper classes than a baby oik in West Ham colours.

Avoid certain areas of the country to be born in. Access the Community health profiles ( and do a bit of research to find the area with the highest income decile and lowest social deprivation index. Then get born there. You’ve got be smart these days to join in with the Eton and Harrow crowd. Redruth is of course right out, You’d be better off being born in a manger than in Drump Road.

According to Oxford University, there is social mobility except it is downward. So all you middle class types had better watch out, you and your sprogs could slip down the ladder quicker than a fireman with sh*t on his boots.

“the chances of a child with a higher professional or managerial father ending up in a similar position, rather than in a wage-earning working-class position, are up to 20 times greater than these same chances for a child with a working-class father”.

So choose your dad as well, or get your mum to sh*g a doctor.…/2014-11-06-study-shows-more-us-are-he……


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